I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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