Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
