something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
