You smell like a Billy Joel song
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.