my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??