Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
This girl is more easily done than said...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
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i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
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which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know