Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda