I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I AM VODKA MAN
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I see more hoeing in ur future
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
