It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He? As in you personified your dick?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes