Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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