Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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