After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
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did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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