and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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