He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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