dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
