i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
