oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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