How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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