just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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