you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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