At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
