Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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