I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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