Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
