I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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