Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
