This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
