A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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