He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
