I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you inspire me to be a worse person
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
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I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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