What tipped you off? The sombrero?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize