Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
