The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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