she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
