so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
