So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
