I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
