Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
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We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one