So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?