I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
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Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
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Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.