You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She's allergic to latex.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..