she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.