i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...