i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.