Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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