either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
