She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
