Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
