Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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