Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
