great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
