i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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