so that wasnt chicken after all
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
