no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
