One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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