I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
