just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
