is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
