Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
