In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
