1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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