i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
