do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
