Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
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What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
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I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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