Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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