Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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