Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
