FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
