I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
