I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
