Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
