Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
