ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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