so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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