dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
