We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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