You're so nebulous sometimes
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
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someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
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Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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