we made out on top of his cat.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
