You work out of a Hotel?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I would ride that face into the sunset
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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