i can't believe i had my finger in that
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
