Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
