I wish I could punch you in the face.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
