I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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