my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
